saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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