i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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