I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
