Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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