bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
