He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
