I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
