I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
