PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
