just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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