Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
