i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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