just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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