girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
