How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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