I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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