I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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