today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
a search helicopter?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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