I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize