I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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