The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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