I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
