her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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