Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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