You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
