i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
