Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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