Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
