We won't sleep together?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
