one might say we're banned from that church
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
