he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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