We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
