Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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