So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You can't motorboat a personality
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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