it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
