my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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