pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
