she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
