I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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