I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
