i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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