i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
