He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
