Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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