anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
