he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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