he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do herpes really smell.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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