we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
