So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
