When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
