Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You pole danced in your parka.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
