Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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