remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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