That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
