Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
