don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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