I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
