he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize