You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
