Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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