Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
