My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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