The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
