You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
