that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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