I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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