y did u give ur computer a hand job?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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