so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
