at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
