You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
