bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
