I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
