fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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