walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
