sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Are we still banned from the library?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize