How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
