She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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