my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize