so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
