Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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