The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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