I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
