I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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