I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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