Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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