I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
