i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize