your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize