apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
