Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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