I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think your dad took our porno
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
