my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
