I accidentally had phone sex last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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