It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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