no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
