Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
