Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
