i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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