Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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