kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
