watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize