Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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