do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
